On a recent evening, I observed something beautiful: children playing with no parents around. I had been reading without distraction when two children began playing in the pool at a common game: Marco Polo (a call-and-response tag game). At first, I wanted a few moments of quiet to read my book before relocating, but quickly, I could not take my eyes off their game. They played with the whole pool as their own because the pool deck was cold, rainy, and empty. A whole pool to play a call-and-response game with only two players. They played for nearly 30 minutes with no frustration, no arguing, no tantrums- just lots of swimming to find the other person.

It took me a moment of observation before I truly appreciated all that I was seeing: pure joy with an open-ended game. A lifeguard ensured their safety, but there were no apparent parents (or so I thought until I saw a parent in the corner reading). They relied on their senses to play a game for an extended period with no adult coaching. At some point, they realized there was too much space, so they discussed what to do. The children decided that they could open their eyes for ten seconds to locate the other before closing their eyes and making their way to that side of the pool. They were still playing when I left thirty minutes later with just as much gusto as when I arrived.

When your child(ren) has peers or friends over for a playdate, give them space. Their age will determine how much space to give them but let them play without adult direction. As with the Montessori Environment, setting up the environment is a key component in supporting the child’s independence. This should be the same for children playing with peers. Think through the length of time the playdate will last and include your child in the preparation.

• Will there be a need for a snack that your child can help prepare beforehand? If so, can the children access it on their own? Where will they eat it?
• Where is an appropriate playspace for the weather and size of the children? Can your child tidy in preparation?
• When all children are present, familiarize them all with the spaces they can be: playrooms, outside space (are they to stay in the yard or on the deck?), where are the bathrooms; are there any supports they may need to be independent (stools, hand soap, etc.)
• What are you going to be doing while they play? Do you have a book or project ready? Is there a space you can do this activity that is within earshot so you can monitor the play but not be involved?

Just as with all other activities, you support your child’s independence and development by starting with laying a foundation. As they build skills and tools, your support lessens. When you allow your child and their friends the opportunity for uninterrupted play, they are developing their problem-solving skills, confidence, and social skills. They do this by resolving conflicts through discussion or negotiation and coping with unforeseen circumstances. They learn to negotiate, share, and cooperate.

Written by Morgan Walker, Madrona Children's House Guide